I started on my taxes Saturday and discovered something strange:
Apparently, I had a lot of money last year.
This came as a bit of a surprise.
That money is now a good memory. While I freak out about whether those numbers are right, and I really do actually have to pay taxes (I was only barely self-employed!) I also remember getting a lot out of my money last year.
I got to travel to two conferences and one class reunion, to enjoy eating out, going to movies, and even picking up the tab when taking friends out for lunch.
I don’t remember having more money than usual. I do remember having enough.
I’ve been taking my belt in after quitting my part-time job (metaphorically speaking)–cutting back on memberships, adjusting my travel plans. It’s what I expected.
And though it can cause a bit of panic (still working on my tendency to anxietate), I am appreciating the small things. Like finding an early-bird price ticket past the cut-off because someone couldn’t go to a conference. Getting to help remodel my mom’s house and practice for my own place someday. Loving my library like we’re newlyweds again.
I’m enjoying this time, with it’s different challenges and joys. So I can think back fondly, without resentment, to what I did with that money even if it’s gone.
Barring the fact that the IRS now wants some.*
*Though spending a few hundred bucks supporting a country that makes it easy for me to start my own business isn’t too bad. And it’s another thing I need to get used to, as a business owner! Silver linings.